Facing a LossThe Need for Ritual |
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Facing a loss
The loss of a loved one ranks high on the list of significant emotional events that we all must face in life. When we reflect on the loss of a loved one, we experience grief – our feelings or emotions that surface in different ways in response to the loss. We deal with grief through the process of mourning which requires our working through emotions as we reflect upon our loved one. Gathering together as a family unit to plan and offer support to each other is among the first steps in the mourning process – a social interaction that is psychologically important for the bereaved. The gathering corroborates the fact that the death has occurred, confirms the significance of the loss, and allows family and friends to support and comfort the bereaved so that they can come into alignment with the separation. Memorializing our loved one, by way of ritual, is a time of celebration that marks the passing of our loved one through metaphor and symbol, respect, gratitude, affection, or praise. Therefore, reflection through grief and mourning, along with the gathering of those closest to us, and performing a ritual are three important elements when creating a fitting tribute to our loved one.
Reflection
There may be no exact words to describe the feelings that surface when we face bereavement. Loss is painful – and it hurts. Nevertheless, feelings are real. It is natural to feel overwhelmed with emotions like pain, anger and sadness. Grief can be experienced in physical, psychological and behavioral dimensions. For example, physical dimensions may be a feeling of hollowness in the stomach, a lump in the throat, or tightness in the chest; psychological dimensions may be disbelief, confusion, preoccupation; and behavioral dimensions might exhibit appetite disturbances, absentmindedness, and social withdrawal. To better understand mourning dimensions is to look further into grief.
There is no right way to grieve when we reflect; however, there are three simple patterns of grief in which we may recognize how we might mourn. Notably, an intuitive griever feels their grief and expresses their emotions openly as they reflect. Secondly, an instrumental griever expresses grief by doing something physical while relating to the loss. And thirdly, a dissonant griever experiences grief in a specific way but does not feel free to express their reflection openly. Grieving is personal yet ironically the reflection is often shared, and when we experience the pain of grieving, we know we have begun the mourning process.
Reflection during the mourning process entails coping with loss and grief through the use of social processes, norms, behavior patterns, and rituals that publicly recognize bereavement. Planning a ritual is one of the most important steps within the mourning process, and it is best accomplished by gathering those closest to us for support.
Gather
Family, and those who are close to us, are important. When we face the loss of a loved one, we can easily feel lost and alone. It is hard to concentrate on anything, and we are often in disbelief. It can be hard knowing what we must do and people often look to those around them to for leadership. There are many decisions that must be made while under emotional stress. Sometimes the slightest misunderstanding can quickly become a major issue. That is why family is important. The family needs time to meet privately to express their grief to each other and to make plans for creating a fitting tribute. Someone in leadership should guide and address each concern. This leads to a full discussion of the major points and hopefully develops into a sense of unity in planning. Everyone should be given opportunity to be heard and consulted while planning an appropriate ritual.
Ritual
A ritual is often socio-religious driven which is carried out by the bereaved within a social context of friends, relatives and neighbors. It incorporates the social interaction of storytelling. Most importantly, storytelling can be effectively realized as part of a memorial ritual event, in tribute to show respect, gratitude, affection, or praise, and is focused around support for the survivors. When we hear about a death, we tend to gather to provide emotional and social support that is directed to the bereaved family, and to each other, and it is within this setting where we share our stories. Our assembling as a community reassures us that we are part of a larger whole, thereby strengthening our individual lives. At a commemorative ritual, the wider community responds with sympathy to the occasion and support for the bereaved.
The ritual event, or tribute, is part of the mourning process that is universal to all whom experience a loss. A ritual event publicly held is a social setting wherein the bereaved demonstrates openly that one of its members has died. The tribute that we and our community enacts to mark the passing of our loved ones, expresses through metaphor and symbol, respect, gratitude, affection, and praise. Therefore; the ritual grants our families and friends a time to support each other, to share memories, and an opportunity for us to celebrate our life or the life of another, and to come into alignment with the separation.
Indeed, the loss of a loved one is a significant emotional event and one that we all must face in life. When reflecting, we respond to the state of loss through our feelings or emotions of grief. In turn, we work through grief through the process of mourning. Gathering family to plan offers support to each other and confirms the significance of the loss. And, most importantly, a ritual is our expression of celebration of the life of our loved one through metaphor and symbol, respect, gratitude, affection, or praise.
Reflection
There may be no exact words to describe the feelings that surface when we face bereavement. Loss is painful – and it hurts. Nevertheless, feelings are real. It is natural to feel overwhelmed with emotions like pain, anger and sadness. Grief can be experienced in physical, psychological and behavioral dimensions. For example, physical dimensions may be a feeling of hollowness in the stomach, a lump in the throat, or tightness in the chest; psychological dimensions may be disbelief, confusion, preoccupation; and behavioral dimensions might exhibit appetite disturbances, absentmindedness, and social withdrawal. To better understand mourning dimensions is to look further into grief.
There is no right way to grieve when we reflect; however, there are three simple patterns of grief in which we may recognize how we might mourn. Notably, an intuitive griever feels their grief and expresses their emotions openly as they reflect. Secondly, an instrumental griever expresses grief by doing something physical while relating to the loss. And thirdly, a dissonant griever experiences grief in a specific way but does not feel free to express their reflection openly. Grieving is personal yet ironically the reflection is often shared, and when we experience the pain of grieving, we know we have begun the mourning process.
Reflection during the mourning process entails coping with loss and grief through the use of social processes, norms, behavior patterns, and rituals that publicly recognize bereavement. Planning a ritual is one of the most important steps within the mourning process, and it is best accomplished by gathering those closest to us for support.
Gather
Family, and those who are close to us, are important. When we face the loss of a loved one, we can easily feel lost and alone. It is hard to concentrate on anything, and we are often in disbelief. It can be hard knowing what we must do and people often look to those around them to for leadership. There are many decisions that must be made while under emotional stress. Sometimes the slightest misunderstanding can quickly become a major issue. That is why family is important. The family needs time to meet privately to express their grief to each other and to make plans for creating a fitting tribute. Someone in leadership should guide and address each concern. This leads to a full discussion of the major points and hopefully develops into a sense of unity in planning. Everyone should be given opportunity to be heard and consulted while planning an appropriate ritual.
Ritual
A ritual is often socio-religious driven which is carried out by the bereaved within a social context of friends, relatives and neighbors. It incorporates the social interaction of storytelling. Most importantly, storytelling can be effectively realized as part of a memorial ritual event, in tribute to show respect, gratitude, affection, or praise, and is focused around support for the survivors. When we hear about a death, we tend to gather to provide emotional and social support that is directed to the bereaved family, and to each other, and it is within this setting where we share our stories. Our assembling as a community reassures us that we are part of a larger whole, thereby strengthening our individual lives. At a commemorative ritual, the wider community responds with sympathy to the occasion and support for the bereaved.
The ritual event, or tribute, is part of the mourning process that is universal to all whom experience a loss. A ritual event publicly held is a social setting wherein the bereaved demonstrates openly that one of its members has died. The tribute that we and our community enacts to mark the passing of our loved ones, expresses through metaphor and symbol, respect, gratitude, affection, and praise. Therefore; the ritual grants our families and friends a time to support each other, to share memories, and an opportunity for us to celebrate our life or the life of another, and to come into alignment with the separation.
Indeed, the loss of a loved one is a significant emotional event and one that we all must face in life. When reflecting, we respond to the state of loss through our feelings or emotions of grief. In turn, we work through grief through the process of mourning. Gathering family to plan offers support to each other and confirms the significance of the loss. And, most importantly, a ritual is our expression of celebration of the life of our loved one through metaphor and symbol, respect, gratitude, affection, or praise.
