One man's gift - preparing end-of-life arrangements

Just the other day an elderly gentleman came to visit. He had been thinking about creating his own end-of-life tribute so that his concerns for his final arrangements would be established, and when needed, would be followed as he directed. Two and a half years ago he had lost his wife. Until that happened, he did not understand the responsibility that would arise when creating a fitting tribute for the loss of a loved one. He remembered how difficult it was to arrange for the event at a time where he felt most vulnerable because of his emotional attachment to his wife. He also had not fully understood the co-dependence he had established with his life partner. They had been married for over fifty years. In the relationship, his wife served the role of keeping the family finances in order—like paying bills on time, and his role was that to bring home the money—which he did by working two jobs. She also saw to it that all of the little details from life’s experience were met – like planning and hosting family holidays. Together they built a strong-loving family, and provided for them and for their own retirement through hard work. When his wife passed, he was unprepared for the mourning process—a process that many do not realize may extend well beyond a couple of years. One of the tasks of mourning is to adjust to the continued relationship we maintain with our loved ones after their passing; and for him, the relationship with his wife endures. The mourning process had led him to understand that this continued relationship could be fully appreciated in  a new way. And so he came to prepare his surviving family for the inescapable event that, one day, they too will be faced with sorrow in the passing of him—their father. He created his own end-of-life arrangements as a gift to his children so that they will not have to bear the burden to guess what should be done to honor and respect him as he wished.